Offbeat Wedding in Austin Texas

I recently had the honor of marrying two of my greatest friends at the Mercury Hall in Austin TX. We gave them the best kickoff to the rest of their lives together. I borrowed bits and pieces from other posted ceremonies and came up with some of my own.

Well.. it worked pretty well. Here you go internet.. I give you the recipe for an awesome wedding for awesome people.. Feel free to tailor this for your soon-to-be-wedded friends.

Who gives this bride’s hand in Marriage?

 (to chris and jenn)  Are you ready?

 Dear Family and Friends, I call upon all of you gathered here….

 …to be fellow witnesses with me in the marriage of Jennifer and Chris (names removed to protect the newly wedded)

 You were each invited to join us today….

 …so that you may share in the joy that Jennifer and Chris are feeling……

 … as they pledge their love and commitment to each other on this 21st day of January, 2012

 May this be a moment in time….. to be remembered and cherished.

 Today, we celebrate your love….

 We are also here to celebrate the True Randomness of Life

 Let’s start with a story…


 In a previous life, Jennifer and Chris went by different names.

 Please let me introduce Fonk – That’s F-O-N-K –  (Jennifer) and this over here is Llama (Chris)

 They used to meet at a bar called Dudley’s Draw to –  duke it out…

 Not with fists, knives or guns.. .

 They competed in the ultimate challenge…  bar trivia

 Each knew their opponents style well; as they competed frequently.

 They did NOT know….WHO the other person was, WHAT they LOOKED LIKE or the OTHER PERSON’S SEX

 …No…. you couldn’t… not with strange, androgynous names like FONK and LLAMA

 Alas… their paths were not destined to cross and they moved on in life


 Fast forward to August 2002.

 Chris was my roommate in a cozy, little neighborhood just off East Riverside – rent was cheap.

 At the time, I worked with Jennifer and we all figured we’d all go out three-wheeling downtown somewhere.

 I had to duck out at the last minute for some reason…*can’t remember*

 They decided to keep the date…and easily agreed on a good ice breaker

 If you can’t guess what it was…. I’ll tell you…  bar trivie

 As they entered their handles in the bar trivia machines….

 ….and the names appeared on the screens overhead….

 …..both experienced this euphoric realization….

 ….and as they looked into each other’s’ eyes….

 I don’t know.. I wasn’t there for that part…. Or what happened next  

 I just know that they haven’t been apart since.


 The true randomness of life….. I’m sure some of you have felt it.

 Is a true testament to their relationship.

 Jennifer and Chris did not know they would be lovers as they duked it out at Dudley’s draw

 Randomness is defined as “having no definite aim or purpose,….

 ….not sent or guided in a particular direction.”

 Chris and Jenn were not guided…

 If you’ve ever worked with either of them on any project, you would know that they do not make decisions in life based on other people’s opinions or recommendations

 Good decisions… BIG decisions… require research, testing, empirical data and documentation that will help determine the outcome of something before any big choice is made.

 If any of us had suggested that they start dating back then… because…. Say…any of us thought they’d be cute together…. There’s a chance it might not have happened….


 And now we gather here…

 To unify these forces of nature and randomness in marriage…


 Many, many, many years later after they first started dating…


 Here’s some trivia for everyone here tonight.

 Anthropologist, Edvard Westermarck,  described AS THE “first Darwinian Sociologist” OR “the First Sociobiologist” wrote that marriage is ” more or less a durable connection between male and females lasting beyond the mere act of propagation till after the birth of the offspring.”

 That was in 1921…

 Today we learn….


 …from Wikipedia…. that marriage “is a Social Union or Legal Contract between People that Creates Kinship.”

 “…is an Institution in which Interpersonal Relationships,… usually Intimate and Sexual…, are Acknowledged in a variety of ways…depending on the Culture or Subculture in which it is found.”

 Today, the body of people create the definition of a marriage….

 As the people work together to come up with correct answers….

 So do Chris and Jenn…. they are both seekers….

 They both are avid researchers and strategists of life….

 We have a quote that first appeared in “Physics and Reality” (1936) as the author cited Albert Einstein.

 “The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.”

 (REPEAT) “The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.”

 This tells us that…..




 Chris and Jennifer, through their love and dedication, have achieved a oneness together

 Marriage is what they want….and this is what they have decided.


Chris and Jennifer, you are here today to declare and to strengthen your love….

 ….and to pledge to each other the beginning of a new life together.

 You have given me your vows…

 ….but I want to talk about the rings for a second.  

 Let’s start off with what they are NOT.

 These rings are NOT tokens of possession…

 These rings are NOT weapons to use against each other when you disagree.  

 I will put this in terms that you will both be able to easily understand and comprehend

 These rings are circles……There is no end to a circle

 These rings are constants 

 The ratio of their circumference to their diameter is 3.1415926535

 To approximate their value…., you either need:

 1.       ….a computer like the one Shigeru Kondo built to calculate 10 trillion digits of pie in October 2011

 2.       Or you when you look at them, you can base their value on how you came together

 ….WHY you are still together.

 ….the years of experiences you have together and the true love you have for one another.. 


 These rings are round… and never forget – “What comes around goes around.”

 These rings symbolize everything that is beautiful about you:Jennifer & Chris


Today we celebrate WITH CHRIS AND JENN, their arrival at this point in their lives.

 We are incredibly happy for them….  

 ….and that the story of their lives now includes one another.

 …and that their love has brought them and us

 ….to the joyous occasion of their marriage ceremony

 Chris, do you receive Jennifer as your wedded wife…

 ….to love, comfort and respect and share your life as long as you both shall live? 

 Chris:  I do

 Jennifer, do you receive Chris as your wedded husband….

  to love, comfort and respect and share your life as long as you both shall live? 

 Jennifer:  I do

 We will now seal the promise of marriage with wedding rings. 

 Chris, please repeat after me:

 1.       I came to this place a Man standing alone…. 

 …I walk from it by your side. 

  2.       Today I cross that threshold with you Jennifer….

 …and enter into a new and lasting lifetime commitment

 3.       I, Chris, commit myself to you as your husband.

 4.       From this day forward I promise to love you willingly and joyfully,

 …withholding nothing. 


Jennifer, please repeat after me:

 1.       I came to this place a Woman standing alone.

 …I walk from it by your side. 

 2.       Today I cross that threshold with you, Chris

 …..and enter into a new and lasting lifetime commitment

 3.       I, Jennifer, commit myself to you as your wife.

 4.       From this day forward I promise to love you willingly and joyfully….

 ….withholding nothing.


 Jennifer  and Chris, in this company of friends and family,

 you have joined yourselves in holy matrimony

 May the commitment and devotion that you feel for one another,….

 …grow stronger every day of your marriage.

 Love is the single greatest treasure that we have the ability to share with one another.

 Delight in each other’s company….

 ….and never take each other for granted.

By virtue of the authority vested  in me by the entire universe, I now pronounce you Man and Wife.

 You may kiss the bride. 

They have chosen you, their family and friends….

 ….to be  here and celebrate what has already become a reality between them.

 Now they’re in it together.

 Chris and Jennifer have publicly claimed that they are forming a partnership  –

 LET’S PARTY!!!!!!!!


No comments yet.

Leave a Reply